Where Are the Adults?

Helping kids through another toxic political season

image by Beeki via pixabay

Where Are the Adults?

Helping kids through another toxic political season

Kids learn most from watching how adults behave. Not from reading books. Not from listening to lessons at school. Not from the lecturing of parents. Most of what kids learn comes from watching how adults actually behave in the world.

The problem is that, in these weeks leading up to a critical national election, there are lots of adults who are behaving very badly. There is, of course, all of the bullying. The kinds of juvenile taunts and harassment that were once a problem of local schoolyards are now celebrated, and repeated, by adults in the community when applied to "the other side" in political disagreements. There is also all of the pettiness. The name calling, mean jokes about the personal appearance of others, and laughing at the expense of others-- often in front of kids-- all occur regularly now. Most ominously, there are all the conspiracy theories. This past weekend, desperately needed efforts to help hurricane victims were hampered by reports of armed militias "hunting" relief workers, and death threats against meteorologists, all because of wild and unfounded conspiracy stories about the government's response to the devastation. I heard these conspiracy theories myself being spread at a local East Penn restaurant a few days ago.

Kids see and hear all these things. They notice our bullying, pettiness, and embrace of conspiracy theories. They also take note when we celebrate others who behave badly. It teaches them all the wrong lessons about what it means to live in a community, how to act honorably, and what is required of all of us to live in a democracy.

Like many of you, I'm at a loss at how to properly respond in ways that will help our kids flourish despite the rapid growth of so many terrible role models around us. I hope you'll share your suggestions with me. And let me kick off that conversation by offering three places of my own where I think we might start:

1. Modeling respectful dialogue: There is plenty of room in our community for people to disagree, on issues ranging from policy decisions in our schools to national political controversies. We don't all have to agree even about fundamental values. But we do need to demonstrate for our kids how one can express such disagreements in civil discussion, rather than resorting to name-calling or spreading unfounded rumors. It also means embracing the opportunities for such difficult conversations with family and neighbors, rather than avoiding those differences of opinion when we know they exist.

2. Teaching empathy: We adults can do more to encourage kids to understand different perspectives. We should encourage them to put themselves in the shoes of those with which they disagree (and perhaps do a bit more of that ourselves). Doing so doesn't mean we have to accept the point of view of others. But it can definitely help us better understand where others are coming from. It's a skill that will help kids thrive in a diverse and changing world. And doing so helps combat the "us vs. them" mentality that is so common in today's divisive political rhetoric.

3. Moderating media exposure: It is no accident that bullying, pettiness, and conspiracy theories have come to dominate public discussions at precisely the same time as people are spending increasing amounts of time on social media. The social media companies have long made their profits by amplifying the loudest, angriest, most extreme voices. Limiting the time our kids spend in this toxic stew can help. So too can limiting our own time on these platforms.

I know this is an incomplete and inadequate list. So let me ask you: What else can we do to help our kids grow into reasonable, responsible, and dignified adults despite all the poor public role models these days...and the local community members that mimic them?

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I've written before on related topics:

• What Kind of Community Do You Want?

• Partisanship Makes Us Stupid